MY JOURNAL

Coming Home to Wholeness

Nicky Clinch Coming Home to Wholeness

I wanted to talk to you today about the importance of integration. 

I see you showing up consistently to grow and heal and I applaud you for taking that beautiful initiative. 

It is not easy work to address trauma, to dig deep and move through emotional wounds to have those breakthroughs and aha moments. 

Through showing up consistently, you probably have experienced a lot of personal revelations and aha moments. So many in fact, that maybe you’ve become like an addict. 

You start to chase those superficial moments of feeling great and like all the work you’ve been putting in has paid off.  You’ve reached a new level of spiritual growth and it feels good! 

Where do you go from there? How do you move forward to ensure that those new personal insights become a part of the fabric and pores of your being?

Integration. 

It is the part of the process that is about action. The action to create change in alignment to who you truly are. 

Action to create change in alignment to who you have shifted to being and are in the process of becoming. 

There is such a huge difference between action and reaction. 

Reaction is a repeated action that you take habitually in response to a situation in life. So many of you are stuck in this pattern of reaction, stuck in this ego story and the past. 

You don’t have the ability or the conscious presence and awareness to move forward. You feel like you are stuck in the memory of your past and therefore your reality appears to be in alignment with that ego story. That is why your past seems to always be repeating itself! 

Action is the active movement forward coming from a place beyond the story, it’s the part that moves life. 

Integration is the choice that you make to turn action into movement that aligns with who you are becoming.  It allows you to move forward beyond your story. 

It’s where the parts of you that have been in separation have the opportunity to fuse together in all parts of your being. 

You “come home to wholeness”. 

Recently within the Awaken Collective, I peeled back any ego I had left and got very real about my aha moment that occurred last year during my trip to the jungle.

It required me to be very honest with myself about how I could embody that act of integration into my life after having a big moment of awakening. 

I was at a low point in my life. 

Showing up consistently to serve others but failing to nurture and nourish myself. 

I was drained and on the brink of having my personal life collapse. I was not present in my marriage and I was not showing up for my friends the way I should. I was exhausted, burnt out and frankly living my life in a low vibrational state.

It’s one thing to coach others as to how they can live in alignment and show up as their highest selves, but I was not practising what I preached. 

My big realisation came during an ayahuasca ceremony where I was forced to face, feel, and heal a moment of core, original trauma that I didn’t even know existed. 

I had a profound experience where I was taken back to being in the womb and I was forced to confront a moment that created my absolute identity in life, where I had to beg for my survival. 

I genuinely came out of that ceremony feeling like something I had been carrying around for 40 years was gone. 

When I got home from the jungle I felt like this burden I had been carrying around had been lifted. I could either have that experience as a stand-alone moment or I could take that gift of healing and actively integrate it into the fabric of my life. 

I had to stop and think “what am I going to do now to integrate this gift so that it actually changes who I am in the world and who I am in my life?”

I came home and made the conscious decision to look at my life through this new lens, and see the ways in which I had been living from this old place of fear, lack, and survival. 

I had to look at these areas with such brutal honesty and radically commit to making changes in the areas of my life that were out of alignment. 

My marriage, the book I was writing, my relationships with my friends, the behaviours I had with myself, all of this was separating me from my deepest and truest authentic self.

It was an incredible, life-changing and soul-shaking moment of awakening. However, it would be meaningless if I didn’t now integrate that shift into my life. 

It wasn’t enough to just have that revelation if I wasn’t actually applying it and allowing my life to evolve and shift as a result. 

I finally was able to shed this old ego story that was preventing me from showing up as my highest self. 

It was messy and deeply uncomfortable. This work always is, but it was a beautiful mess, my mess and I finally I was able to own it all. 

There were so many moments where I wasn’t sure who I was anymore or if I was making the right decisions. I questioned everything. 

In those moments I had to remind myself that my actions were finally in alignment with my integrity and my commitment to healing my deepest wounds. 

I was able to live my life from this new place only though facing my trauma and wounds head-on.  

This process of spiritual and emotional evolution and coming home to wholeness forced me to face myself in the most real of ways. 

I was made to feel my feelings so deeply and move through them in order to allow room for my spiritual expansion. 

And now I urge you to look at your life in a new space right now and really take inventory.

What is it that needs to change in order for you to come home to wholeness? 

Integration can be deeply uncomfortable, it will invite you to face yourself like never before, you will feel lost and as if “this is so hard and maybe I should go back to my old self”, but remind yourself that you are making choices and taking action from a place of wholeness. When you make choices from this place know that you are making choices for the highest good. 

It’s not easy, but it changes your life and how you show up in the world every day.

So how can you take these big shifts that you have been working so hard on and weave them into the fabric of your life? 

1) Take Inventory of Your Life Right Now. Look at your life with the new eyes and perspective which you have acquired from making these big shifts. It’s time to ask yourself the big questions and truly figure out which parts of your life are helping you move forward and which parts of keeping you stuck. 

2) Ask Yourself These Questions. What is the big shift that you are cultivating and nurturing right now in your life? What behaviours and practices in your life are serving your soul’s highest purpose and what behaviours are preventing you from thriving? What practices do you need to commit to in order to allow yourself to be conscious and present on a daily basis? How can you show up as your highest self every day to live your most present and aligned life? 

3) Go Inward and Listen to What Your Soul Needs. What currently feels good in your life, the people, the habits, the rituals? A big part of this growth is learning how to be with yourself and hold space for yourself to allow these shifts to fully integrate into your life. When difficult emotions come up, it’s necessary to become still and be present with yourself. Sitting in those moments where you feel uncomfortable and allowing those difficult emotions to come up, without passing judgment is key to healing your life. 

4) Let go of expectations! Realise that this process will require you to make many mistakes. It is not going to be easy, breezy and beautiful. This work is messy! You will be required to confront your biggest insecurities and pain points in your life, feel them fully, and keep going. 

6) Figure Out Your Tangible Action Steps. What actions need to be taken in order to integrate these shifts into your life? It’s time to finally break free from the hamster wheel that we tend to live in. We get so stuck in our ego story and become so identified with our past that we can’t align with our future. When we become conscious of how we are stuck in that ego story we actually have a chance to make sure that pattern is no longer repeated. 

7) Take Messy Action and Change Your Life! Action is the active movement forward where we start to live our life from a place beyond our story. It’s that part that actually moves our life in this new direction of wholeness. It is in the integration where the parts of our soul that have been living in separation have the opportunity to fuse together and come home to wholeness. It’s through the action and integration that we can create great change in our life. 

When we take action we have the chance to move beyond our story. It’s by allowing the parts that we have worked on shifting and integrating into our lives that we heal the separation and come back home to wholeness. 

This work is not easy but it is so worth it! 

Sending you all love, light, and wholeness.

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