After I got clean from my addictions, I did everything I thought I SHOULD be doing. I was going to 12 steps meetings, abstaining from drugs and alcohol and eating nourishing food I told myself I SHOULD feel healed and whole, but I didn’t, something was missing. Then I turned 30, and it hit me; just how trapped and broken I felt.
I was experiencing enormous shame and fear deep within my soul. People around me assumed that because I wasn’t high or drunk all the time any more than I was “better”. And I was doing better on the outside, but inside I wasn’t free and I had not healed.
There was still a huge shadow inside me. I wanted to be a mum and wife, but every time I got close to that dream, I failed. I chose the wrong people, or I sabotaged my own happiness because deep down I didn’t feel worthy.
I was dating a man who had done a lot of work with ayahuasca, and one day I heard her calling me. The signs appeared everywhere and the message was clear – I NEEDED to experience ayahuasca myself. I met the man who would become my shaman and everything fell into place. Before I knew it, I was headed to Peru for 5 life-changing weeks. The minute I stepped off the plane my whole body exhaled and I knew I was where I needed to be.
Ayahuasca showed me exactly what was blocking my freedom and told me with everything I needed to hear.
My heart told me to follow and trust, and I am so glad I listened. It was a profoundly challenging 5 weeks. I spent the first few ceremonies in absolute terror as my veil of victimhood was finally lifted. I was forced to face the parts of myself I had abandoned.
After that trip I was a completely different person, but it was then the hard work began. The true shift came as I started to integrate everything I had learned and it was hard. I broke up with my then-boyfriend, leaving at at 2 am. I drove away leaving behind something profound; my self-doubt and the denial of my innate value and worth.
I became a powerful person who knew her value. I vowed never to give away my power again. The next phase of my life was fundamentally transformational, and I met the man of my dreams and gave birth to the daughter I dreamt about in the jungle.
Thank you for listening. That trip helped me step out of child-like thinking and into an embodiment of womanhood.
If any of this resonated with you, or you’ve had a transformational experience with ayahuasca, I would love to hear from you.
I would be so grateful if you could leave a review on iTunes so we can share this message of healing and wholeness with as many people as possible.