The fear of failure is a common root human wound. Absorbed and frozen in time in the bodymind memory from early childhood experiences, becoming entangled with your identity and sense of self. In this article we will dive into an ontological and maturation inquiry of the roots of this wound, how it gives you the filter from which your world and life appears in adulthood, and how to begin healing it at a root level. When we disentangle the confusion between the past frozen bodymind memory and our present, we open the door to authentic expression, creativity, and freedom. Coming from a completely new context from which to stand, see, and experience our world. Discovering true freedom.

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The fear of failure is not just a mindset – it is a way of being that is shaped through a filter given by our past memories, and giving us a repeating familiar perception of ourselves and our experience of life.  Keeping us stuck in a story without even realising we are stuck in a story.  Because it is a blindspot.

At the root of perfectionism, procrastination, or self-sabotage, there is a frozen survival mechanism from your childhood – believing that who you are, as you are, is NOT the way it SHOULD be. Formed in moments when your safety, belonging, or value felt threatened, often long before you had the words to name it. And it has been running everything in your life and world ever since.

But this fear is not who you truly are.

In this article, we will explore what the fear of failure really is, where it comes from, how it shows up in adult life, and most importantly – how to heal it at the root, so you can return to the truth of who you are: whole, free, and truly alive.

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What Is the Fear of Failure and Where Does It Come From?

The fear of failure, or the need to be wanted, is a deeply rooted human need. If a child does not believe they will be wanted by the pack (mum and dad), for who they are, they will automatically find ways to change themselves in order to be wanted.

Why? Because if a child is not accepted by mum and dad they cannot survive.  And the human mind’s ONLY design is to ensure that we survive. 

This deep survival need will take over our sense of self and start running programmes (that you won’t be aware of) about how and who you need to become in order to be wanted. 

This happens so mechanically that we don’t even notice it, and before we know it, these programmes are so entrenched in who we think we are that we just think it is normal.

Except we are being run by behaviour, thoughts, emotions, and perceptions driven by a need to ensure we DON’T fail and WE ARE wanted and accepted.  

The story often sits at the root as “who I am is wrong.’ Which then gives you a filter to experience yourself – no matter what you do, you always experience that it is the wrong way.

If in early childhood you experienced yourself as a failure – maybe your parents were critical of you or making mistakes would get you in trouble – then that experience will be wired in your bodymind memory. Deeply embodied and giving you what you believe is possible for you and your world. 

From an ontological standpoint, failure challenges the very foundation of being. 

It is stored in your tissues, your posture, your movement. In your kidneys, the house of your very life force (jing). 

And the entire mechanism, frozen from a perceived point of threat in early childhood, will run your life. 

So either your entire being will be about trying really, really hard to always ensure you avoid failure at all costs – perfectionism or procrastination – OR you will collapse into the mechanism, finding all of the evidence as to why it is true. That you really are a failure. Often accompanied with flooding experiences of shame, guilt, or disgust.

Rather than exploring life with openness and curiosity, you armor yourself against failure by avoiding challenges and risks altogether. Which completely blocks your expression and your ability to flow and co-create with life. 

But there is another way, when you heal this fear at the root. Bringing consciousness to what is truly running you, the entire frozen survival mechanism which is not who you truly are. To disentangle your identity, who you think you are, with this frozen experience. So that you can experience the truth of who you are beyond it.

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How Does the Fear of Failure Show Up in Adult Life and Block Our Aliveness?

This fear is completely entangled with your identity, who you think you are, and gives you the entire appearance of your world, yourself, and what you believe is or isn’t possible for your life. 

It can show up in your life as:

• Whenever you take a risk and follow your heart, it is so painful for you.You have already decided it won’t work out and you already believe that you don’t deserve what you desire. 
• Whenever good things come to you, before you can fully receive them, you will block it. Constantly keeping yourself in an experience of unworthiness and like you don’t deserve good things.
• Being incredibly judgemental of your imperfections and vulnerabilities. Using all of your energy to cover these up and keeping others from knowing these parts of you exist.
• Only taking action when you know you can do it perfectly, blocking the freedom of your expression.
• Whenever you are inspired, or want to create or express, you are flooded with shame, embarrassment, or fear and you will find every reason to block it immediately 

What we resist, persists. So much of your energy is used either resisting the mechanism and fighting your being, or collapsing into the experience, flooded with shame and disgust. 

Your healing starts by gently, without blame or shame, bringing consciousness to the entire mechanism. Seeing how it is of the past, and is entangled with your experience of the present. 

Being with all of the experience which was frozen, from the context of what it really is, and who you truly are beyond it.

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Healing the Fear of Failure at the Root

Healing your fear of failure at the root is not only possible, but I have seen it time and time again with all of the humans in our programs worldwide. 

As we are all human, with the same survival mechanism and way of being that runs us, we have the same potential to heal ourselves. To be reborn. 

Here’s how you can begin to shift the patterns that keep us stuck in this fear – 

• Bring awareness to the fear and the mechanism: Acknowledge the fear and the frozen experience moving through you, know it is of the past. Gently return to being with it, be with what is. What you can be with, will let you be. 
• Gentle movement and bodywork: Gentle movement can release held trauma from the body, along with rest, breathwork, and stillness practices.
• Make space for creativity: Create a space where you can experiment without failing. Give yourself permission to play, and explore, without any pressure or need for a certain outcome. Learning to let your authentic expression flow, reconnecting to the truth of your heart.

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Who Would You Be Without This Fear?

Imagine what would be possible for your life if all the energy you’ve used to resist, perfect, hide, or push through this fear was suddenly released… not as force, but as freedom.

What projects would you start or pursue? 

How would you love? 

How would you speak? 

How would you move through the world every day? In every moment? 

Who would you be?

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You are not broken. This is a universal human mechanism, part of the being of humanbeing. 

You are not your story that tells you you’re not enough or that you are a failure. That story is an echo from the past, entangled with your present – a frozen moment of survival wired in your neural pathways and nervous system.

But this is now who you truly are.

Who would you be if you were no longer afraid to fail?

What would you create, say, or share?

Healing the fear of failure is not about becoming fearless, it’s about allowing yourself to be human, messy, flowing with life. It’s about disentangling your identity from a frozen moment of the past, and choosing to be a stand for the truth of your being. For your heart.

You are already whole. And life is waiting for you to step into your authentic expression – not the perfected version, not the one who always gets it right – but the one who is willing to show up, fully, in all of the ‘messiness,’ to be seen, and grow.

This is just the beginning of what is possible for you.