How to have a Conscious Transformational Relationship

With Nicky Clinch

In this episode I speak about a three major blindspots that are rarely talked about that occur within relationships and if left unconscious, which is very common, create so much conflict and suffering where in fact we want to be creating more love.

Gaining awareness over these blind spots will shift the context in which you will see the ‘problems’ that show up for you in relationship and to uncover these 3 blind spots to bring them into consciousness.  We cannot heal what we cannot see and so uncovering these blind spots opens up the possibility to heal and transform at a very deep level.   

The first blind spot is we tend to think the core life incidents that happened during our childhood are in the past, and therefore it’s all gone now and won’t get in our way today. But this is untrue. As I teach on this blind spot I speak about the nature of how past experiences are stored in the brain that cannot distinguish the difference between past and present. Causing us to repeat experiences and patterns around intimacy from the past, right here in our present.   

The second blind spot is the experience we have of ourselves in adult relationships directly mirrors the original experience and understanding of intimacy we had with our mothers in childhood. Decades later as adults, if we haven’t done the work on our past wounds and stories, we will find the imprint of our childhood relationship with our mothers living our lives. 

The third blind spot is the relationship itself is its own entity. There are the two people and the relationship itself, which is happening simultaneously. The relationship is evolving and moving in unity with how each person is reacting to the other person’s trigger within the relationship. Each partner cannot help but show up exactly how the other experiences intimacy.

As Eckhart Tolle says, the purpose of a relationship is not to make each other happy – it’s for spiritual transformation. If we are able to bring consciousness to our relationship and use it as a tool for our evolution and maturation, we will experience the greatest gift of love and intimacy.  

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I would love to hear if this episode has resonated with you. I would truly appreciate if you would leave a review so that we can share these messages of wholeness and healing with the world. 

Pre-Sales of my book SURRENDER

Have you heard my exciting news? I would like to invite you to check out my book SURRENDER which is currently available for pre-order. If you feel ready to re-create your relationships or your life by breaking free of old patterns on a holistic level, across mind, body and soul, SURRENDER is THE book for you. Through these pages, I guide you through a deep healing journey of SURRENDERING of who you are NOT so that you can unfurl into who you were BORN TO BE.




  • How the mind and body reactivates in our adult relationships as if we are reliving the same moment from childhood. 
  • The consistent factor in any relationship is our own self. With honest self-analysis, we will see that we are each re-enacting our own childhood patterns and it’s not about the other person. 
  • How we carry with us our original experience of intimacy with our mothers into all our adult relationships. 
  • When we can bring insight and awareness into how we truly experience ourselves in a relationship, that’s when we’ll be able to dissolve and heal the unconscious patterns. 
  • When the initial cocktail of hormones fizzle out and the veil of the honeymoon phase is lifted, that’s when the opportunity for true intimacy begins. 
  • To heal the existing patterns and triggers within a relationship, both individuals have to bring awareness to the present moment to literally grow out of who we thought we were inside relationships. Once that happens, a new relationship can be built upon a new and stronger foundation.