Jul 27, 2017
Self-Reflection
A few weeks back I took part in an incredible transformational program at The Concord Institute called “On Leadership“. It was 3 intensive days focusing on transforming our relationship to leadership so that we can fully commit to creating our visions into our realities.
It was the second time I have done this program. The first time I did it was 6 years ago. I wasn’t a mother then, I wasn’t even living with my husband then. I was still studying in school training to be a macrobiotic counsellor and I hadn’t started teaching any of my classes or courses yet. In fact, nothing that exists of my life today existed then.
But it was my vision.
The reason why I went back this time because everything I declare as my vision 6 years ago, is my life today. I swear to you. I am not even remotely exaggerating. Every single word I declared has become my reality. And so, I felt like it may be time to go back and do it again to set the scene for the next stage of my visioning.
Once the 3 days began, before we could get anywhere close to declaring our visions, we first had to dig through the trenches of what may be standing in our way from being able to bring them into reality. What were all the negative beliefs and blocks that we carried? What were the limiting ideas and distinctions we held on to? What were the strange disempowering insights we have of who we think we are in our lives and in our worlds? And what we think we are or are not capable of?
We learnt about our brains and how all these beliefs and blocks and ideas were once programmed at some point in our lives through memories and experiences and are not necessarily the ultimate reality of our lives today. And most importantly we learnt that anything that has been wired can also be re-wired and thus meaning it is possible to re-create a new reality for ourselves. No matter who we are or what we have been through. I know, I know. It all sounds a bit full on and technical. But it’s also completely amazing so please bear with me. How incredible to hear that whatever we have been through, no matter what we think, no matter what fears and blocks we have that stand in our way, it can all be re-wired! It sounds so simple. And it is simple but not easy.
This is not just a ‘wish on something and click your fingers to make it real’ kind of situation here. We learnt the difference between a vision and a fantasy. That a fantasy is a static picture of something we want that stays far off in the future and we can stare at it ‘out there’ dreaming and dreaming but nothing really ever changes. We never really change. But a vision is an alive force of energy that comes from our body and our hearts. It is something that already exists. That is dying to exist. But it cannot exist unless we are ready to commit to it fully and be willing to take all the steps of the journey needed to evolve ourselves and our lives to bring it into reality.
To get from drug addict, eating disorder, fuck up girl I once was to where I am now, I had to take enormous amounts of steps. I didn’t just wish it were different and woke up one morning and ‘bing’ I’m living a new reality. I had to go through the rejection, the heartache, the picking myself up again and again, and keep going. I had to keep learning from my mistakes and from my gains and take those learnings to build new parts of my life. I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Always holding my vision in my heart along the way.
Wishing and wanting something far off in a distance is a fantasy. Visioning from a place of leadership means to full commit to doing whatever is necessary to evolve ourselves into who we need to be to stand in the place of our vision. So it is not easy. But my goodness, it seems very, very worthwhile. The facilitator asked us:
“What would we rather spend our lives doing? Standing still whilst we wish far off in the distance for something we will never get. Or commit our lives to using our energy to evolve ourselves and our visions into reality?”
Big, huge, ENORMOUS question I know.
For me, I had to look as honestly as I could whether I was really willing to commit to whatever was necessary to create my next vision into reality today. And was I willing to face the fears, the blocks and all the challenges that will come along the way, learn from them but keep going? My vision is being a published author. My vision is growing and expanding my business so that I can be a space for transformation, authenticity and truth to people all over the world. My vision is being a stand for nourishment and love and healing. And my vision is to do it all whilst being a mamma, a wife and nourishing my family home life. Am I asking too much? Ha ha ha! NO! For this to be my reality, am I willing to re-wire what blocks and fears stand in the way? I will have to allow myself to really be seen. To share my heart and soul, honestly and courageously.
I will have to be willing to receive rejection, judgments, criticisms and still continue to keep going. I will have to be willing to be rejected and ridiculed. And yes it is all absolutely fucking terrifying. I was once told that if our visions don’t terrify us, then they’re not big enough.
And if we can already do what we vision and we are already who we need to be in our vision… well then it is not a vision. It is already our reality.
Our visions SHOULD challenge us. To grow. To evolve. To Transform. And this is what it means to be in leadership in our lives. Nothing to do with being a dictator, or a boss, or leading everyone else. It means taking our lives with leadership and growing and evolving within it so we can use it with purpose, meaning and fulfilment. Whenever I feel the terror of what is required for me to vision my vision into reality, I remember once again what the facilitator said to us that day:
“What do I want to use my life for? What do I want to use the energy and life that I have been gifted with in this lifetime I have?”
When I think of this, I realise 100% that no matter how terrifying it is, I am willing to do what it takes. Step by step. With love and an open heart.
Lastly, we were also told this:
“We can have whatever we want. As long as we are willing to let go of what it looks like”
Our job is to focus on the vision and the journey and the commitment to keep it alive. What it finally looks like is not our business. As soon as we become fixed on what it SHOULD look like, we stop it dead and it becomes a fantasy again! And so I share this story with all of you beautiful warriors. Whatever you have been through. Whoever you are. Whatever fears you carry, blocks that you hold, pain that stands in the way or disbeliefs about who you are and what you are capable of… please know none of this is true. These are all beliefs that you have picked up along the way. And anything that has been programmed or wired, can be re-wired. We are all capable of doing what we dream of, as long as we are willing to let go of what it looks like.
We are ALL capable of visioning our visions into reality. As long as we are willing to commit to the journey it takes to do this along the way. So if you are able to really let this in, I want to ask you:
“What do you want to use your life for? What is it you want to use the energy and life that you have been gifted with in this lifetime?”
Whatever the answer is, there is no right or wrong. And please do not think the answer needs to be something worthy or enormous. It may be that you want a family or a marriage or a home. Or to feel free within yourself. Or it may be a calling of your creative expression. Whatever it is, let your vision be known. Share it out loud with yourself and with others. And then ask yourself… Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to keep it alive? I hope your answer is yes. Love you guys.
Nicky x
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