Feb 1, 2016

Yesterday my beautiful older sister came to see me. We are close me and my sis, we always have been. And even though she is 5 years older than me it has always felt like we are twins…. I guess we are……twins of the soul.When she arrived my jaw literally dropped to the floor!  Her beautiful long dark brown hair was up high in a pony-tail as usual but this time with one half of her head shaved to the skin! Right to the bloody skin! And underneath, a single long white feather earing hanging from her ear.  As my eyes slowly processed what I was seeing, I followed that whole side of her body down her arm and registered that it was completely covered in tattoos right down to her hands.Wow! She looked fucking amazing!  She looked radiant.  She was literally fucking glowing!I’m really sorry to swear but it is the only way I can fully describe it.This girl, my sister, who I know has spent most of her life thus far dancing back and forth with really allowing herself to fully express herself just as she is, was standing in front of me looking like the most amazing strongest truest warrior version of herself I have ever seen!  Without giving two hoots what anybody thought….. and it was utterly beautiful to witness.   And it wasn’t about the hair-cut, or the earing, or the tattoos… it was the freedom she was radiating.  The freedom of her own expression, that feeling of freedom when you have finally let yourself just be you!  That was literally shining out of her….. and it was breathtaking.Good for you sis!  You go for it!I felt in awe.  And it made me start to think.  Am I allowing myself to truly be me without caring what other people think?  Do I truly have the courage to just put myself out there without giving two hoots whether it is liked or not?In all honesty… my answers are yes and no!I realised that YES, I do have the courage to express myself and to share what I am deeply passionate about.  And YES, I do it regardless of whether others are doing the same or if I’m different or going against a mould.But I realised, also, NO, unfortunately I have not fully gotten to the place where I do not care what others think about it.  And this is obviously something I am still working on.When I first went back to school and decided to retrain in the field I work in now, the only intention that got me there and through it was because I felt passionate to do work that really meant something to me.  I mean, I was once sitting in crack dens wondering if I’d see a day past 30, so now that I was ‘alive’ again, I bloody wanted to do something awesome with the rest of my life!I never for a moment thought about instagram, twitter, facebook, public arenas, press releases or being any kind of personality.  Yes, I felt I had a lot to say and yes I sure as hell wanted to write my book… actually I want to write three or four or five!  But I just wanted to do the work I love.  I wanted to express myself as freely as I could and in a way that might serve someone.AND…. along side this version of me that wanted to do something meaningful with my life, there is still a part of me that just wants to be loved.  There…..I said it! It’s true!Most of us addicts are like this.  We just want to be loved!But aren’t most of us humans like this too?Whenever I write anything that is really from my heart or share anything really truthful and honest about myself, I feel scared.  Scared of what others will think.  Scared of being liked, being hated, being ignored.  But it doesn’t stop me from doing it!And now a days with social media and instagram exploding all over the place, all the likes and no likes and followers and losing followers – the whole thing can send me bloody bonkers sometimes.  And I can really begin to lose myself and my original intention.In a world where it seems we are constantly being pushed and encouraged to present ‘better’ versions of ourselves, or the ‘best’ version of ourselves, I feel like this is when we need to be the most ‘true’ versions of  ourselves then ever before. This is when it is more important then ever to be fearlessly ourselves, unapologetically and unashamedly. And the more we can do this, the more we may give permission to others to do it too.My sister…. the warrior… standing in my hallway… has left me feeling even more inspired, even more courageous and even more fearless to JUST.BE.ME.  Me… who ate the left overs of my daughters oat alphabet cereal for breakfast.  Me…. who loves leopard print, and anything sparkly.  Me… who dreams of being a published author and absolutely loves cooking and teaching.  Me… who is writing this article.  Me… who just wants to be loved sometimes.Because she was just being her she gives me permission to do the same!So for those of you that struggle with expressing yourself just as you are.  And for those of you that get scared of what others might think.  And for those of you…. us… that just want to be loved.  It’s ok!  You are not alone!  There are so many of us that are the same.  I completely relate!But… be afraid, feel scared…. but don’t let it stop you!  You are the only YOU on this planet.Share yourself, express yourself, BE yourself and don’t try and be anyone else but you.  And don’t let anybody tell you anything different!Each one of us has an original individual voice.  Each one of us has our own original story and each one of us has our own individual expression that is waiting to be gifted and shared.   Maybe not everyone will like it.  In fact, it’s almost guaranteed that not everyone will.  But who gives a flying fuck and do it anyway! ha ha! There goes my swearing again!Sorry, I obviously feel really passionate about this (:Remember…. it wasn’t about the haircut, or the earing, or the tattoos…. it was the freedom that radiated from within.  That feeling of freedom that only comes when we’ve fully given ourselves permission to truly be ourselves.  This is the gift!! And is awe-inspiringly beautiful!So as we all go off into our week I wanted to leave you with this.TODAY, give yourself permission to BE YOU! Just as you are! NO APOLOGISING.  NO SHAME.  NO HIDING!  And begin to feel the freedom and beauty that comes with it.And if we walk past each other in the street and we are being unapologetically ourselves, then let’s smile and applaud each other because it is a beautiful and fearless, inspiring act!!Wishing you all a beautiful, magical, bloody awesome week!!Love Nx

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