Trust the timing of your life
“Don’t worry I’ve got you!”
This whole past week I have been lost in a daze of complete surrender to motherhood.
As some of you know my baby girl has been really sick and I literally have not slept for more than a few hours at a time for a week. Even writing this post I am sitting here wondering if i have the energy to even get through it and get it done but yet my fingers keep on typing.
I have done barely any bodywork or exercise all week (besides one 30min run). I have hardly had any inspiration to cook anything more than just simple basic food as 95% of what I am cooking is medicinal healing food for my daughter. And I have barely left the house at all. The clothes I am wearing are the first thing I can find and my hair is constantly just piled on top of my head without barely a glance in a mirror. And on top of all of this is of course are all the emotions and stress I feel at watching my baby girl sick, doing my utmost best to help her but also knowing that there is also an element of trusting the process and the body’s natural healing system.
All in all I definitely don’t feel my best (to put it lightly) and I definitely don’t feel like I am any kind of example of health and wellness. But saying that, this is just plain old reality of life. Truth and honesty and being human. This is part of motherhood and one of the biggest most important healing learning curves I have EVER embarked on.
Before becoming a mother I used to be someone that 100% relied on things like regular bodywork and exercise, eating well, time to myself, meditation, journalling, self-pampering etc etc just to keep my balanced, sane and at my best!
And as the week has gone by I have watched the millions of items on my ‘to do’ list come and go undone and knowing that I have 3 huge projects and deadlines that need to be completed before the end of next week. Plus I am off to teach the 2nd years again at The International School of Macrobiotics in Devon on Wednesday and of course my blog and all the amazing festive recipes I wanted to post before Thanks Giving etc etc etc blah blah blah…. the list is endless!
Clearly I am not in control and things are not even nearly the way I wanted them to be! And yet at the core of all of this my baby girl has needed me and loving and caring for her is so incredibly heart opening, humbling and beautiful. All these things “I’ want and need have fallen by the wayside and instead my week has become about unconditional love, letting go of control, acceptance and surrender.
Just like when I had my miscarriage and about a million other times in my life, I have been given the blessed reminder that I am not in control. But also that I do not need to have everything ‘right’ or ‘in place’ to feel good about myself or that I am doing or being of value.
I realised that even though this is not how I would have ideally wanted my week to have gone and certainly wasn’t how I planned it, I can choose to trust in the process of life. I can choose to trust that everything that is happening is ok and may be exactly as it should be. The more I fight it, resist it or rail against it the more challenging it is for everyone involved. But the more I accept it, surrender to it and give myself fully to it, the more I can come back to living only in the moment and experiencing the gifts and beauty within it all. The endless naps and cuddles wrapped up together with my beautiful baby girl. The kisses, the giggles. The simplicity of just being at home, in the moment, taking things one moment at a time. The unbelievable healing that comes from fully opening your heart and loving someone so unconditionally.
And I realise that this applies to everything, not just motherhood, but for life in general. For sure every single one of us have ended up in situations, weeks, months, years when things have not gone the way we planned or hoped, that expectations we’ve had have just drifted away unmet and ideas of who and how we ‘should’ be living our life just don’t seem to be reachable.
But you know what, maybe it is all exactly as it should be. Maybe EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING, happens exactly as it is meant to. Who knows what lessons or understandings and awarenesses we are getting out of all that happens. All I know is that when I look back on everything that I’ve been through in my life, it all makes sense to me. I have learnt so much from every experience, good, bad, difficult. And with time I get to see how all this new learning and information can become useful to me somewhere else down the line in my life.
I know that I would not be who I am today without every single experience and learning I’ve had in my life and ALL of it is richness. ALL of it is useful. ALL of it are ingredients that make up the beautiful tapestry of who I am today.
So, if you, like me go through experiences in your life where things just don’t work out like you planned, and this is probably the entire human race! Relationships break up, dream jobs don’t work out, we don’t eat the way we ‘want’ or look the way we ‘want’ or live the way we ‘want’ then I wanted to say, it’s ok, please trust in the process of life. Everything is happening exactly as it should and it is likely to not fully match up with the way you planned it. This is a good thing! Because maybe you can’t see yet the magical, beautiful depth of the lessons and gifts life has in store for you. Maybe what is being done for you is more loving then you could have done for yourself!
For me, I am so grateful that things don’t always pan out like I plan them too, because so often I would have sold myself short. So often life has wanted so much more and so much better for me than I would have done for myself. Life is teaching me right now how to love more deeply then I ever knew I could. It may not be the easiest path but I trust it is the most nourishing one for me.
So to finish off I want to share with you some amazing phrases and tools that I’ve learnt along the way that help me to trust more in the process and to let go and surrender more. I hope you find it useful too.
1. How important is it really?
If you are finding yourself getting really stressed, upset and maybe even angry that something is working out the way you wanted it. Maybe you can’t get something done that you wanted, or get somewhere that you wanted, or someone isn’t doing something you wanted…. then stop for a moment and ask yourself this really simple questions “HOW IMPORTANT IS IT REALLY?” and the most important word in that question is “REALLY”. Is it worth all the stress, upset, anger, or can you let it go for now? This is a really helpful tool in all areas of life – especially when you are in the middle of an argument with a loved one!!
2. First things first
When things aren’t going the way you want, planned or need. Or if you are going through a challenging time then take a moment to remember this phrase – first things first – and this means just do the next thing that’s right in front of you and then after that do the next thing that’s right in front of you and keep moving forward in simple small steps like that Before you know it you’ll come out the other side of this experience and hopefully be able to look back on it all and see that you got through it.
3. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one minute at a time
This one pretty much says what it means! If and when you find yourself projecting into the future of what isn’t going to happen, or won’t happen, or isn’t going the way you want it, then try to bring yourself back to just this one day or maybe just this one moment or minute. All you need to do is deal with this one day and leave the rest up to life.
4. Hand it over / Surrender
This one is one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learnt and to do it there needs to be some kind of belief system that there is something other than yourself in control of how you are living your life. For me I believe in a bigger spirit that holds me throughout my life – sometimes I call that my higher power, spirit, universe but sometimes I just call it life. This is not about religion, this is about trust. I know friends who are atheists and they can still practice this tool – they hand it over to trusted friends, family, maybe a bigger organisation they are supported within or maybe they hand it over to their intuition. Whatever it is it gives us the opportunity to surrender control over to something bigger. It can allow even a moment of peace and humility as we realise we cannot control everything and do everything on our own.
5. Deepen your relationship to something bigger!
If you are someone who finds number 4 difficult and just don’t feel a connection to something bigger other than yourself, then it may benefit you to take up some practices that would help you deepen this. Or maybe even to merely deepen the relationship with your own intuition. Such as meditation, yoga, chanting, soulful singing, 5 Rhythms Dance, chi kung, tai chi, or maybe even just being in unbelievable nature – anything – anything that can help you connect to a bigger force that is not yourself.
6. Acceptance & The Serenity Prayer:
God, spirit, life, universe, nature (whatever you want to call it) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to the change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
I have read and seen this prayer so many times in my life and it always comforts me. It is now framed up on a wall in our house. Again this is not about religion, this is about acceptance. Acceptance that what is happening is what is meant to be, acceptance that we can be guided to do what is needed and acceptance that we can let go of the rest.
So that’s it from me for this week. I hope that you have found it useful, as usual it has been extremely useful for me. I’d love to leave you with one final quote from the very inspiring Steve Jobs which has always given me comfort and I wish you all a really magical love filled week.
You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
This approach has never let me down and it has made all the difference in my
life. - Steve Jobs